


Bogoshipo

by kmsmitty



Category: Topp Dogg (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-11-04 01:02:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10979094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kmsmitty/pseuds/kmsmitty
Summary: Jiho misses Taeyang. All of Topp Dogg feels it.





	Bogoshipo

**Author's Note:**

> An angsty fic where Jiho is a wreck, Taeyang is a shit, Sehyuk is a grump, Sanggyun is a toddler, Sangwon is a sass king, Sangdo is a dad, Hojoon is an awkward turtle, Yoonchul has no patience, Hansol is a literal angel, and Byungjoo can't stop crying.

It had been 17 days, 6 hours, 32 minutes, and 14 seconds since Taeyang had closed the door to their shared dorm. Not that Jiho had been counting. Not that he had even noticed that the auburn haired boy had left at all.

It wasn't like he was in mourning. He certainly hadn't taken the sheets off Tae's bunk bed and replaced his own with them without washing them first. It wasn't like he had hidden his pillow in his locked closet. It wasn't like he was using what little there was left of Tae's body wash as hand soap.

That would be insane.

But Jiho needed to. He missed the earthy smell of Taeyang. The odd mix of Americano coffee and old cigarette. The way that his hair always smelled like lavender. Keeping those things was the only way Jiho found sleep at night. And even then, it was tortured sleep.

Jiho was torn. He wanted to be caught up in everything Taeyang. For things to be the way they were. He knew they could never go back. And so he tried his best to block out anything that reminded him of the shorter boy.

He was fine during the day. He had Byungjoo, Hansol, and Hojoon to keep his mind occupied. He very rarely left the practice studio. Jiho threw every ounce of energy into coming up with choreography for the new album. Dancing was never really Taeyang's strong point, so it didn't remind him of the other boy as much.

Jiho wasn't a huge fan of coffee, so it was easy to give that up. He now spent the hour of 14:30 to 15:30 playing video games with Sanggyun, scolding the younger for cursing at his hyung when he inevitably lost.

He had instituted family dinners at the dorm, and even the members who didn't live there were expected to show up. None of them could really cook. It was 9 young men doing their best to throw something together. But that wasn't the point. They knew Jiho was struggling, and if this was the only way to make him feel secure, every member was happy to eat ramen each night.

No one blamed Jiho for feeling so lost. Sure, they had already had 3 other members leave the group, but no one had had the love of his life walk away. Jiho was third youngest, and every departure hit him hard. He was definitely one of the most immature of the boys. None of the members would have ever imagined Taeyang quitting. He always seemed so invested in the group. Jiho and the other boys had been somewhat blindsided by his wanting to leave.

And so the remaining members clung to Jiho. Did their best to keep him preoccupied. They even had a rotating schedule of volunteers to cuddle Jiho at night until he fell asleep. This task usually fell to Hansol, the snuggliest of the group. He had taken the news about Taeyang pretty hard. He was very much attached to the older boy.

But even having Hansol next to him hurt. Jiho appreciated the effort, he really did, but Hansol was in no way, shape, or form his Tae. Hansol always had to be little spoon, which deviated from the nights of alternating with Taeyang. Hansol was smaller in Jiho's arms. His hair smelled like apricots. He wasn't as warm. He didn't produce the same content sighs that would lull Jiho into sleep. And Hansol was always up first. Jiho missed fighting with Taeyang in the mornings, trying to get him to greet the day. It was the only time they fought, actually. Tae loved his sleep.

Jiho's dreams didn't let him rest, either. He tried everything he could to fall asleep thinking of something, anything, other than Taeyang, but his mind always wandered back. Tae's auburn hair. The spot on the back of his head that Jiho would scratch his nails into. His high cheekbones. The dimple in his right cheek. His smile. His nervous habit of licking his bottom lip. His laugh. His collarbones. The way his hands fit perfectly with Jiho's. His Bart Simpson boxers that were worn out over his sharp hipbones. His fingers as he played the piano.

Everything would flood him all at once. Hansol didn't have the heart to tell Jiho the reason he always woke up first. Either Jiho's quiet sobs in his sleep would shake him awake, or the feeling of tears hitting his cheeks would startle him from his own dreams. Hansol would hug him tight, pull Taeyang's sheets up closer to Jiho's face, and then sneak out of the room. Jiho was a proud man; Hansol knew it would bother him if he saw Jiho at his weakest.

~

"Jyo Jyo!!!! Time to wake up!!!!!"

Byungjoo. It had to be. The only other person to call him that was Sangdo, and he didn't live in their dorm.

"Baengjoo, do you have to be so loud? Honestly?"

"Waooow. We're in a mood this morning. Guess I'll just let you be late for the shoot. Whatever you want."

Jiho groaned. He had forgotten. Today marked the beginning of shooting for the official music video for Rainy Day. As much as he loved being an idol, he couldn't be bothered. Not today. And especially not with that song.

If ever there was a song that he didn't want to hear, let alone perform, it was Rainy Day. A song about not being with the one you love, about only being able to feel them when it rains? No, thanks. Not today. Not ever.

"Jiho, I know it hurts, but we need you today. You agreed to promote this as a single. We'll all be there for you. You can take as many breaks as you need, but you HAVE to get up. Now."

Ah, Sehyuk. In full leader mode. He really wasn't as cold as he seemed. He was the only one who had ever seen him cry about Taeyang, apart from Hansol. He was strong; all the members relied on him. But now that he was officially the oldest member, and had the title of leader, he had even less time for any shenanigans or attitude from the rest of the group. Today was no exception.

"Sehyuk, can I please just stay here until you guys need me? I really just-- AHHHH! Why would you do that, hyung?!"

Sehyuk had flipped the mattress, and therefore, forcibly tossed Jiho, onto the floor. His elbow was definitely going to bruise. He scowled up at his leader.

"You made me do it, Ji. We have to be united. Now more than ever. You know it doesn't look good that we continue to lose members. We can't have you show up whenever. The crew knows you're hurting, but damn it, Ji. You're not the only one who misses Tae! Don't be so selfish!"

Sehyuk stormed out of the room. Jiho sat perfectly frozen on the floor. He felt like he'd been slapped hard across the face. He blinked rapidly, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to stream down his face. It was no use. Everything that had happened in the past 3 weeks crashed down on top of him. And he sobbed. Uncontrollably.

"Shit, Jiho, no!! Not now. Get up. Come on, sweetheart."

"Solie, it hurts so bad!"

Hansol, using all his strength, scooped up the much taller boy, and carried him to the bathroom. He plunked Jiho down on the sink and started running the water so it would get warm. He grabbed a wash cloth and began wiping Jiho's tears away with it.

"Ji, try to breathe. Focus. You don't want your face to be puffy and red in the video, do you?" Hansol tried, rubbing soothing circles into his back.

"Don't use my vanity against me, Solie. That's pretty low," Jiho spat back. His words were hollow, just like the pit in his stomach.

"I'm not trying to be cruel, stupid. I do, in fact, have a point. Look at your cheeks. Under your eyes. The make-up girls are going to need extra time with you. Luckily, I'm gorgeous, so I don't need any time at all," Hansol replied, giggling at his own remark.

Jiho gave a half-hearted smile. "You are beautiful, hyung." He looked closer at himself in the mirror as the tears stopped. Hansol was right. He had dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep, as well as red splotches from the force of his crying. His normally angular face was round with swelling. In short, he looked a mess. Which was fine. It matched exactly how he felt.

"Solie, how am I supposed to do today? How are any of us supposed to continue when he's not here? Why did he do this?" Jiho looked at his elder, eyes pleading for a response that he had never gotten from Taeyang himself.

"You know why, Ji. As much as we love Tae, he never really fit in much. His raps are amazing. Totally unique. But they felt separate from the rest of the songs. He left so that he could write what he wanted. To be free to produce what he needed to. Idol life didn't suit him. You know that, Ji. Don't be angry with him. He didn't abandon us. He found himself."

"But it feels wrong without him. Doesn't it?"

Hansol lunged forward and hugged Jiho tight. He nodded against the crook of Jiho's neck. It did feel wrong. But that wasn't going to change anything.

"Use your pain today. Dance hard. Look broken in your close ups. This is the one song that it's okay to be emotionally destroyed for. Use it, Ji. You can do this."

Jiho sniffed. "I'll try."

~

It was the week before Jiho's birthday. The dorm was pretty somber. Byungjoo's birthday had passed a month before with no word from Taeyang. Everyone feared the same for Jiho's day.

"I just don't know why he's being such a selfish, little shit," Yoonchul sighed, exasperated. "I have sent him beats. We've talked a handful of times. But he completely blew off Joo's birthday. They were close. Who does that?!"

"Wow, hyung. I think that's the angriest I've ever seen you," Sangwon responded, totally taken aback by his elder's words.

"Well, I'm pissed. Byungjoo is a puppy. He's spent the past 4 birthdays with Taeyang. It's unacceptable what he's done. Joo is emotionally unable to handle that," Yoonchul hissed.

"I know. It's so unfair. Do you think he'll show up for Jiho's birthday? It would be pretty shitty of him to be MIA," Sangwon looked up at Yoonchul hesitantly.

"If he doesn't at least call him, I will hunt him down and break his fingers."

~

"Ji Ji. Wakey wakey. Eggs and bakey. Well, I mean, if you want them, we can get them...I don't have them with me-- ouch!"

Hojoon rubbed his shoulder as Sangdo rolled his eyes.

"The moral of the story is that you need to get up, handsome," Sangdo whispered in Jiho's ear as he climbed in bed with the younger boy. He snuggled in close, wrapping his arms around Jiho. Though he was taller, Jiho felt so tiny in comparison with Sangdo.

"Singdu, can we just stay like this? You're warm," Jiho replied, flipping over and nuzzling into Sangdo's chest. He felt Sangdo chuckle at his nickname. Jiho missed having him in the dorm.

"And as usual, Hojoon is completely forgotten. I'll go be awkward elsewhere..."

Jiho turned suddenly and latched onto Hojoon's arm, dragging him into bed.

"Ahhh, being in the middle of a Joon-Singdu sandwich. What a life," Jiho sighed contentedly. He closed his eyes, willing sleep to overtake him quickly, while they were still humoring him.

"Shin Jiho. Move your ass. Let's go!!"

Jiho felt a knee to his hip bone first before the crushing weight of the A Tom Bomb landed completely on top of him.

"Sanggyun, it would hurt me to have to kill you on my birthday..." Jiho groaned as he tried to wiggle out from underneath the younger boy.

"Please, just because you can beat me at video games doesn't mean shit. I'd take you down. You know I've been working out," Sanggyun stuck his tongue out at Jiho.

"Alright, enough. If either of you want in on this breakfast, I had best see you in the front room in roughly 7 minutes. I'm hungry, and I will leave you here," Sangdo huffed as he untangled Jiho's limbs and shifted off the bed.

"Okay, hyung. We're sorry."

~

"I still haven't heard from him, Joo. He texted me on my birthday, but that was it. You swear you don't know anything?"

Byungjoo shook his head. He didn't understand how Taeyang could do this to Jiho. He thought he knew who Tae was, but apparently not. The Tae he knew would never leave and not come back. Especially if Jiho was still around. Those two had a connection most people only dreamed of finding.

"It's gonna be alright, Jyo Jyo. You know we always have your back. We love you."

"Thanks, Baengjoo. I love you, too."

~

Tae: Hey, Bug. I know I haven't been around at all lately, but can I see you tomorrow?

Ji: Why should I agree to that, exactly? You missed my birthday, dickbag.

Tae: I know that. I'm sorry. I have a valid excuse. All things I can explain tomorrow. If you would please see me...

Ji: Fine. Come by the dorm. I'm not the only person you've screwed over the past few months.

~

"I'm not answering the door. I don't want to see his face. I will break it with my fist."

"Yoonch, we get it. You're pissed off. Still. But we want him to come around more often. Come on, for Jiho's sake, play it cool today," Sehyuk pleaded.

"Nah, beat his ass!" Jiho and Sangwon responded in unison. They looked at each other and giggled.

Everyone had gathered in the living room. The table was covered with pizza and snacks and drinks. Everyone seemed to be somewhere on the agitated spectrum. Jiho, Hansol, and Sehyuk were nervous. Sangdo, Hojoon, and Sanggyun were annoyed. Yoonchul and Sangwon were pissed off. But baby Byungjoo, he was frantic.

"Baengjoo, baby. Come sit with me. I got you," Sangdo cooed at the younger boy, patting his lap. Byungjoo quickly climbed into his Singdu's lap, curling his fingers in his hair. Normally, he would play with Sangdo's ears when he felt like this, but with the others around, he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

"Joo, if you can't be around him, I'll call him and tell him to stay home," Jiho offered.

Byungjoo burst into tears.

"But...this...is...his...home!!!! And...you...haven't...seen...him. I...can't...be...selfish," he gasped in between sobs. Sangdo held him tighter.

Jiho knew Byungjoo had been hiding how hurt he was lately for his own benefit. The guilt made tears well up in his eyes.

"Ayy, hajima! Don't you start, Shin Jiho. We're doing this, one way or the other. Taeyang said he had his reasons for staying away. Let's at least hear him out. If we decide it's all bullshit, fine. But give him a shot," Hojoon begged.

Everyone else nodded. Taeyang had been their friend for years. He deserved a chance to explain himself.

~

There was a light knock on the door. Heated rounds of Kai Bai Bo had determined that Sanggyun would be the one to face him first. He got up and crossed the room, opening the door slowly.

Taeyang threw himself at him.

"Sanggyunie!!! I've missed you. How are you? Where is everyone?"

"Hyung, I kinda can't breathe," Sanggyun choked out, desperately trying to break the iron grip Taeyang's arms had placed around his neck.

Sangdo and Sehyuk came to his aid, prying Taeyang off the younger boy and each taking their turn with a hug. Everyone else waved from their places on the couches. All but Jiho, who was picking at a snag on his sweater, and Byungjoo, who had fallen in love with a spot on the wall.

Hansol punched Jiho in the arm as he moved to make room on the couch for Taeyang. "Acknowledge him, Ji. For Christ's sake," he angrily whispered as he left the couch.

Jiho narrowed his eyes at Hansol. Hansol was his own polar opposite when it came to hurt feelings. He either hated you and never forgave you, or he immediately forgot everything and continued on like nothing had happened. Jiho felt betrayed as he watched him hug Taeyang. Hansol was supposed to rip into him.

Yoonchul was the first to really speak. "Alright. Let's get this out of the way. The fuck is your problem, Tae? The past 4 years didn't mean anything to you? You thought you could just throw all this away? I get not wanting to be in the group anymore, but to bail on your best friends and your BOYFRIEND, is completely different. Care to explain?"

Sangwon joined in, "Yeah, Tae. I mean, I'm pissed off by my own right, but what you did to Byungjoo over his birthday, and what you have repeatedly done to Jiho is unforgivable."

Taeyang let go of Hansol and stared down at his feet. He knew that this was going to be rough, but the people he thought he was going to have to fight had welcomed him. The ones he thought would understand were the ones ready to hit him.

He took in a shaky breath.

"Listen. I can't tell you how sorry I am. When I left, I needed to purge Topp Dogg from my system. That meant that I had to let go of all of you for a while. I invested everything in this group for so long, that I didn't know who I was without it. I was lost, but I thought that reaching out to you would make it harder. I realize now that I handled things poorly. I shouldn't have shut you out. I just figured that the 9 of you would have each other, and that would be enough to make it to where you didn't miss me. Mianhae. Mianhaeyo."

Taeyang finally looked up. He received nods from everyone, except Byungjoo.

Byungjoo was shaking his head, tears streaming down his face. A strangled sob made Taeyang look at him.

"You thought that you could just leave? That we wouldn't notice? That 9 was enough? It isn't. It never will be. 13 was best, but 10 was close. None of us know how to be without you, Tae."

Taeyang sat down on the floor in front of Byungjoo. He reached a hand up to wipe at his tears. Byungjoo could feel that Taeyang was shaking. He grabbed the elder's hand tight.

"Joo. I never wanted it to be this way. Leaving had nothing to do with you guys. It had everything to do with me. But I think I have it sorted now. I think we can work it out. If you guys are willing to try..."

He glanced around the room. Everyone was nodding this time. Taeyang turned back to Byungjoo, who jumped off the couch and settled into his lap. "You're still a puppy, huh?"

"Okay, but if the mushy shit is over, can we eat? I'm starving!"

"Oh, Sanggyun. Never change," Taeyang chuckled as he threw a bag of chips at the younger boy.

~

Jiho sat on his bed staring at the door. Taeyang was saying goodnight to the others. The real talk was about to happen. Jiho wasn't sure if he was ready for it.

"Huh. I should have known," Taeyang laughed as he snatched his pillow from Jiho's grip.

"I have been looking for this for weeks. It was my most prized possession. I spent so much money on this. It's goosedown, you thief!" he scolded.

Jiho scoffed. "Well, I had to keep a piece of you somehow. Since you disappeared completely..."

"As if you didn't keep my rings and that bracelet, Shin Jiho. But I'm surprised. You didn't notice that I took something of yours..."

Jiho's eyes shot up. "What did you take, you bastard?"

"Nothing you miss, obviously. I shouldn't have said anything."

Jiho did a quick scan of the room. Nothing looked out of place. Until he got to the corner near his desk.

"You prick. I'm going to kill you."

Jiho couldn't believe he hadn't noticed. His beloved Batman bear was missing. Taeyang had bought it for him 2 birthdays ago. He watched over the room, kept him safe.

"No wonder I can't sleep. I expect him to be promptly returned. This is an outrage."

"Yeah, well, give me back my pillow, then."

"You can buy another pillow. BatBear is irreplaceable."

Taeyang threw himself at Jiho. He grabbed the comforter and rolled the two of them up in it. He curled as tightly as he could into Jiho's side while still being able to look up at him.

"Bogoshipo. Mianhae. Saranghae."

"I missed you, too. I forgive you. I love you so much."

Jiho leaned forward and caught Taeyang's lips in a gentle kiss. It was the first kiss they'd shared in 3 months. It made his heart flutter. They had been together so long, but he still felt like every kiss was their first.

"Don't ever shut me out like that again, Tae. I won't survive it. I know you can't be here everyday, but you can call me. I need to feel you, you know."

"I know, baby. I'm so sorry. I need you, too. I got tired of only seeing you in the Rainy Day music video. God, you looked good, but so sad."

"Ugh, I don't want to talk about it."

Taeyang smiled and moved forward. He kissed Jiho's cheekbones. His nose. His jawline. His neck. Anywhere he could reach wrapped up as tight as they were.

Jiho wriggled to create some space. He brought one hand up to rub his thumb over Taeyang's cheek. He could barely see the indent of his dimple in the dark. He smiled.

"Happy Valentine's Day. I'm so glad you're home."

"Me too, baby. Me too."

 

Please don't hurt me for making Byungjoo cry. Also, this is complete garbage. I'm so sorry you took the time to read it.


End file.
